That Was Yesterday
by Heartless BytchhakaHelenBach1
Summary: Songfic based on Foreigner's "That Was Yesterday". All Preseason 6. Grief and loss. Hope you enjoy it. I had to get this one out of my brain. Sometimes it hurts when we do what we think is right. No slash or het this time.


A/N angst, story inspired and based on Foreigner's song "That Was Yesterday". It's about love and loss.

AU fic, character death, darkfic, implied Daddy issues,grief.

A/N This is set partly pre-series and partly in Swan Song 5.22

A/N I own nothing of the "Supernatural" world. Just play with the ideas of them.

A/N I was working on developing a totally different story when this one popped into my head. It pretty much wrote itself. I was listening to this song and the lyrics grabbed me and made me think about the Win Bros.

You, were the only one  
The only friend that I counted on  
How, could I watch you walk away  
I'd give anything to have you here today

But now, I stand alone with my pride  
And dream, that you're still by my side  
But that was yesterday

I watched him turn and go. That was much more painful than being hurt by any supernatural freak I've ever hunted. Just because there is no blood or bones showing doesn't mean there is no pain. A heart can be shattered and still continue to beat.

When Sam and I tare together I feel whole. Complete. He's always been in my life since he was a baby. I've always looked out for him. Taught him everything he knows about life. Girls, hunting, hustling pool, how to treat injuries, and how to know when the injuries were too serious and required medical attention. Being his Big Brother is all I've ever known.

Watching him leave is like watching a part of myself disappear. A part I'll never have back. When Sammy and I are on a hunt together I always know he has my six. Now, I'm a solo act, can't count on Dad being there. He hasn't been there for us much over the years.

As much as it hurts me, I won't hold Sammy back from what he wants. I've tried to give him what he wanted all of his life. I tried to give him a chance to be a normal kid. It's not like we had a Mom to do that for us. And Dad was always so obsessed about hunting down and killing what attacked our Mom.

If Sammy wants to do the college scene and change his way of life, I can't hold him back even if I wanted to. He'd resent me forever if I tried. Like he resents Dad. Dad has always kept Sammy from doing what he wanted. Just because his dreams and hopes were destroyed when Mom died, doesn't mean he should destroy Sammy's.

As for myself, this is all I know. This is what I do. This is who I am. I'm not the college boy type. My life isn't what the mainstream considers a 'normal' 'apple pie life'. I'll probably die on a hunt and no one will ever know what happened to me. Sure, Sam and Dad might wonder. But they'll never really know for certain.

Out of all of us Sammy has the best chance of having a 'normal' life. A life with a soccer mom wife, kids, a dog, the whole picket fence scene.

Is this what I'm supposed to do?

If only it didn't hurt so much.  
_  
_

Part Two

Love, my love I gave it all  
Thought I saw the light when I heard you call  
Life, that we both could share  
Has deserted me, left me in despair

But now (now) I stand alone with my pride  
Fighting back the tears, I never let myself cry  
But that was yesterday

I watched him turn to go. That was harder than watching him leave for college. That was the hardest, most painful thing I've ever done in my life. This was harder and hurt more. All I could do is let Sammy go. All I could do is believe in him while he sacrificed himself. All I could do was be there for him so he didn't die alone.

Sammy will never have the 'normal' life he always craved. He'll never have the soccer mom wife or kids. That possibility was all taken from him by the Evil that we've hunted and fought all of our lives. it took my Mother, my Father, and now my Brother.

All of Hell cannot compare with the pain of being alone. Why couldn't Hell have also taken me?

What am I supposed to do?  
What am I supposed to do?  
What am I supposed to do?

You won't find me in yesterday's world  
Now yesterday's gone  
Goodbye yesterday  
Now it's over and done


End file.
